A Little Background

It started i think last december. When I first noticed you. I was like, damn! She fine! Well, not like that but, close though.

That’s how it started, just a simple crush. A simple crush that was actually doomed on the get go but was successfully turned around by let’s just say, Accidents? Fortunate accidents if you ask me.

The days gone by with me just knowing your name through a friend that introduced me to you. Just that. Simple Hi’s and Hello’s were just my simple approach to get a word out of you.

Coincidently smoking together in the smoking area without saying anything to each other. Me noticing you and me not knowing if you do notice me.

Just exchanging nods and smiles each time we pass by each other, while sometimes not even acknowledging the presence of one another.

A twist of fate happened though that somehow gave me a courage to try to be closer. Eventually inching my way and gradually getting your attention.

Time passes and we had this comfortable conversations and it wasn’t important if we were talking bout’ serious stuff or just straight out laughing our heads off.

Each and everyday, each and everyday i tried to forget those childish fantasies that this might work.

On a friend’s birthday celebration, I actually planned to make a move. As useless, I chickened out. I was afraid that it might not make any impact. So i just chickened the fuck out.

The days passed by again and the i started to just lay low. Well, knowing issues and all that. I told my self that I may be fighting a losing battle right here.

I just had to wait. wait. wait. and wait. did i say i have to wait? I did. I had to wait.

And so I waited. And what do you know. 1 phone call actually changed everything.

That was actually the first time we got together.
I actually had doubts, really. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to be with you but, the thing was I had a question in mind. Fatigue or Alcohol in which those were answered after 2 night’s out together.

The second night out was i think much more comfortable I think. I think that was the time I had little hesitation that you might just brush me off. Hehe. It ended good by the way.

The other times was really a stepping stone for the things to come. Oh, thank you for going to our games even though if it was just practice or an actual game itself.

So it came down to that night. That one night that changed it all. It was a surprise. A real surprise. Nonetheless I was really happy. I wish you were too.

And so ending this piece is a great relief. Not really looking forward for the future because that will actually ruin the present. Im just going to seize this moment. Live it. With you.

Lost For Words.. No More..

As I said on my last post, I was having a hard time getting words outta my head.

Now it seems it’s much clearer and I can now put all those words hovering in space in here.

Here it goes again.

Finally i can say that patience, really is a virtue.
I can now say that I am proud of myself by not giving up, not flinching, and absorbing the blows where it counts.

Finally i can somehow rest (not rest and stop what Im doing though) that my work paid off. All those times that I knew i didn’t have a chance, All those times that I knew this has no bearing, All those times that I knew it won’t work. Good thing i didn’t let go of what i wanted and cared for.

Finally I’ve reached the point that it’s make or break, One miss and you die, One mistake and you’re out. That’s why im playing my cards real clean, true and no other meanings.

Finally I can look at you without looking the other way every 3 seconds.Yes, I can now look you in the eyes without no hesitation, with a smile on my face everytime i do so.

( ♪♫ When i see your face
There’s not a thing that i would change
Coz girl you’re amazing just the way you are. ♪♫ )

Finally i can touch your hand without feeling scared that you might just brush my hand off.

Finally i can now hold you without any doubts, without any hesitations and without any fear.

( ♪♫ I’ve been waiting all day to wrap my hands
Around your waist and kiss your face
Wouldn’t trade this feeling for nothing
Not even for a minute
And i’ll sit here long as it takes
To get you all alone
But as soon as you come walking my way
You gon hear me say, there goes my baby ♪♫)

Finally I can forget the butterflies in my stomach whenever you’re around (but the butterflies are still in here though, still flapping.) I don’t pay them any mind anymore coz i know they’ll always be there and I’ve accepted why they’re there in the first place.

Finally I can forget the blood rushing up my face whenever Im beside you ( while me acting cool and shit, projecting that im not affected by your presence) or while we’re talking.

Finally I can write something here again. Not searching for any source of inspiration.
Coz now. I can say that I have one.

Finally I can say that I am now somehow contented on where I am and who I am to you.
I can finally say, That im happy.

Lost For Words

Ever since i started this blog i was sure i can post something in here regularly.

But shit happens and you just get this mental block of some sort that you can’t even produce a single paragraph.

Now im picking myslef up off the ground and im trying as hard as i could to put a decent post.

Last night while i was smoking and listening to some tunes i suddenly realized, hmmmm. why not?

Well it would be difficult coz if i don’t have any, uhmmm what would you call this? Inspiration? nah. I wouldn’t say so. *cough*

Here i am nonetheless trying to pull every word i have in my mind right now.

The things is there really is “something” blocking it. And Im gonna use it to make this look decent.

So here it goes.

Well. ahhhhh. still nothing.

Better do it next time then..

Looking For Something?

Accidents do happen right?

But what if those accidents happen for a reason?

Could it mean something? or is just you know, it just happened.

Jumping to conclusions won’t help..

It would help though, to catch a glimpse of reality and a certain touch of assurance.

Don’t get me wrong, accidents answer a lot of questions and some answers were the ones i was looking for.

Surprising? Yes. Thankful? Definitely.

Lots of questions still needs to be answered.

Giving my word to wait. And I will keep my word.

Just stay ok? That’s more than enough for me.

You know?

Sometimes it just takes a little while for you to realize what’s goin on and what is really happening.

Usually you ignore it but you’ll eventually embrace it.

I know it was really weird at first. But you already saw it coming and I was just waiting for all the things to fall into place. It did.

It really is wonderful to bask in the moment that you have faithfully waited for. Especially when you least expected that it’ll happen.

I do appreciate you appreciating all those things. Even though you were right i was pretty damn drunk and I don’t even know how i delivered my effin’ lines.

But come on i was really confident and I just had a gallon of fuel to my fire to tell you everything.

Ok, so here it goes.

It is my pleasure to give you flowers it’s just a friend did it first to his friend and we were there and it’ll look like im copying his moves, and thanks to the goodfellas for telling me i did give you flowers.

It is my pleasure showing you sweet gestures because that was really me. Ok, 50 percent alcohol and 50 percent me.

It is my pleasure staying beside you even if you say you are 80% dense and i knew that. I just want to show you that all those things are real.

It is my pleasure to restrain myself and be patient. Coz’ you deserve respect.

It is my pleasure to voice out all my thoughts coz you deserved the truth.

It is my pleasure to show you honesty because i don’t want to be like the other guys who just says sweet bullshit so they can be given a good image.

It is my pleasure to bear with you with your 3.5 inch heels and listen to you rant how much your feet hurt because i want to comfort you.

I really do care for you. Thank you too for appreciating that.

I know you’re not cheesy so it was like me jumping to a cliff doing cheesy stuff for you.

It is my pleasure to keep you company as we walk our legs out in the mall with you, window shopping. Coz keeping you company makes me feel good and happy.

It is my pleasure to say that you do have big eyes. Coz sometimes when you’re surprised they do get big.

It is my pleasure to make you laugh in the mornings after those crazy nights just because i want to make you laugh.

So what im really trying to say is that. You’re Welcome.

Respect

re·spect [ri-spekt]

esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability—

Respect is a small world thrown around by small men who doesn’t know what it really means. It is sometimes associated with fear, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that if you do fear a person, you also respect them. Their meaning is really far off. I mean really far off.

Some say that respect must be earned. I had a lot of issues with respect when i was a kid. I know i was raised well, but there are certain things that you learn as you grow up. You know how to give and earn respect. I gotta admit i was a bully before, racking up all the machismo shit that i could get. Not realizing how much better it would be if you were humble and down to earth. It’s nice to be known as the good guy.

In elementary i was really into wrestling, pro wrestling though. I call it “the soap opera of men” coz you really get hooked up and you’ll never miss a show every week. I used to know each and every signature moves of every supestar that i like, it was awesome. Too awesome coz i was doing the Rock’s “Rock bottom” Triple H’s “Pedigree” and the Undertaker’s “Chokeslam” and “Tombstone Piledriver” to my classmates. Since i was the biggest in our class, when lunch came we always fool around. That’s where i pull my favorite superstars move on em’. One time i Pedigree’d my classmate to oblivion, i mean just straight up driving his face to the canvas. errrrrr. good thing it he just got a bump on his head and I got a tongue lashing from my adviser.

Now, when i was in high school, ofcourse i had a group. My guys would call me bossing whenever we go out. That’s because way back then, i had moolah. I could say we were a little well off back in the day, so whenever i invite em’ i was always the “taya” in filipino. I always had the final say. I was the one who decides what to do or where to go but, when you think about it, deep down inside, you’ll tell yourself “what’s happening here?” “this ain’t right.” coz in my part i always boss them around and clearly you don’t have the right to boss anyone around. Unless ofcourse, well, you know what i mean right? So when i was in college and we had a get together i don’t let them call me “bossing” anymore, but maybe it was just a kid’s thing you know? Looking up to someone and all that shit.

Looking up to someone inspires you in anyway you look at it. It motivates you, it moves you, it drives you. Just make sure that the person you look up to deserves your admiration. Coz looking around today in the streets in your everyday life, when i see those kids walking around with baseball caps that’s not even put on correctly and the oversized shirts that 2 people can fit in, I ask myself “who do these kids look up to?” i mean, looking up to someone drives you to be almost like him or even better if you surpass him. But, in the case of these kids. It’s just a lost cause. You hear em’ in the news,there’s only 2 things. It’s either they killed someone or they’ve been killed. Sad huh? That’s the thing they want to prove, we have to respect them, key word is “they want” and that ain’t fucking right.

Earning respect can be hard, yeah it is. But it wouldn’t hurt to try right?
You just need to have a target, a goal, a mindset on what you want to be. Respect will always be right up there. You don’t have to run over someone just to earn it. You gotta do something good to get it. Keep that in mind. Respect can get you anywhere you want to be, just be humble, and be the Nice Guy.